Bro, I regularly have big naked baths with like 20 strangers. All naked, it is super straight let me tell you!
Holy shit I love it. 
It is a cool skirt.
Thatās one of the more āYouā outfits Iāve ever seen you wear.
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Oooh, whereād you purchase that?
Etsy #fifteencharacters
Iām Lizi again. Iām holding off on using the name IRL and on Facebook until next week, on account of one last gig I have as Greg next Wednesday, but once thatās past Iāll update the rest of my social media and start asking people to call me it in person. Iām also gonna start presenting as female at the open mic I go to every week.
EDIT after a few days consideration Iām Lizi everywhere now.
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Best wishes that everything goes smoothly with going by your new name and all related stuff.
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Decided this would be a better place than the Random Images thread
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Every time I read something about "men do xā or āmen think yā it makes me wonder if thereās a behavioral component to gender the rest of the world uses that I donāt, and that I usually donāt do x or think y suggests that I have always been psychologically female in some way, but that contradicts what everyoneās been telling me my whole life that I am the gender I feel I am. I felt male for 20 years. I was indifferent about it at best and miserable about it at worst but I felt that way. Was that feeling a lie? If so, how would we ever know what gender we are? Or does society assign behavioral traits to genders in an unhealthy way? Is the true gender revolution going to come not when we throw off the shackles of how people must identify, but how they must act as tied to their identity?
Iām not expecting anyone to make sense of this I just needed to word vomit somewhere.
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Itās a complicated issue, and why gender is often more of a spectrum (IMHO) than a binary āmale vs. femaleā concept, even though society often tries to force it into one of those binary terms.
There have been cases where parents, in trying to raise their young boys to be caring nurturers by giving them dolls to play with found that their boys werenāt interested in them at all and were instead more interested in ātraditionalā boys toys like toy cars. Iām sure there also have been cases where girls were offered toy cars and instead preferred dolls.
Most psychologists seem to agree that there is a āhard-wiredā aspect to gender which explains why young boys usually prefer doing āboysā thingsā and vice versa for girls. However, itās not exactly a binary switch, as the existence of tomboys and such shows.
As a personal example, letās take the case of my 5 year old son. His favorite toys to play with are the traditional things like cars and he loves to wrestle. However, heās also been known to play with the dolls at his preschool on occasion and his favorite color is the traditionally (at least in modern times) āgirlyā color pink. So while heās certainly very much on the āboyā side of the spectrum, heās not 100% there based on whatās considered āboyishā vs āgirlishā for much of society. Not that it matters to me as I love him no matter what, but Iām just using him as an illustration here.
Now I canāt speak for how you feel personally as Iām neither in your shoes nor have any similar experiences that I can refer to in order to get an idea as to how you felt. However, I donāt think you were necessarily feeling a lie but just dealing with the fact that you were still trying to sort out just where on the gender spectrum you felt most comfortable and perhaps you may be closer to the center than any of the binary extremes. But as I said, take this with a huge grain of salt as I feel like I canāt truly understand just how you feel here.
Itās weird with me because since puberty Iāve tied gender to sex so tightly. I was an effeminate child, my mom thought Iād grow up to be a drag queen (her words not mine). But as the girls around me started to get curves and I didnāt, I decided itād be easier to just be a guy. Being trans is so difficult, and being a woman is so difficult, I couldnāt imagine being a trans woman would be worth the struggle. I often dreamed of a matriarchal society where I could transition into the dominant gender (read into that as you wish). So itās not that I never felt like I wanted to or should be on the far feminine side of the spectrum, I just wrote it off as not an option. I remember being 15 and getting dared to cross dress and I got seriously excited that I could try that. Thereās an alt personal history for you.
But yeah, so, I get the āgender is a spectrumā theory, but I have no desire to be a gender that doesnāt match my sex, especially given the amount of dysmorphia, particularly sexual, that I have to live with now.
Again, not speaking from any form of expertise here, but I think all of that is related to your dysmorphia and that youāve probably suffered from it to varying extents for a very long time.
Hopefully you have some honest and ethical doctors and therapists working with you to help you cope with your dysmorphia and they will be able to help you figure out what treatment for it works best for you. Iām not a one-size-fits-all treatment person, especially in a complicated case like dysmorphia, and think that it probably should be tailored to the individual in question.
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My physician and psychiatrist are good. The former I sought out with trans health in mind, the latter Iād been seeing for nearly a decade and just happened to have a background working in HRT. Need a new therapist tho.
I wish I could recommend someone to you. I have a great therapist (and he may be local enough to you), but dysmorphia isnāt one of his specialties.
Also Iām 10 times more comfortable seeing a woman for these issues.
Understandable as well.
Finally my gender reflects my taste in autumn coffee beverage obsessions.
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Iāve been put on 50mg of Spironolactone twice daily. Thatās half the dose I was on in February. Weāre holding off on estrogen until Iāve been on my goal dose of Lamictol for a few weeks (Iām one week away from that dose). Hopefully introducing the drugs separately and more gradually will make it easier on my system and I wonāt spiral like I did in February/March. If I do, Iāll probably just go inpatient for a few weeks until my system evens out. This time itās any means necessary.
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