Dating


#1

Old thread: http://forum.frontrowcrew.com/discussion/4335/dating/p1

Since many on here will go in and out of the dating pool might as well start this up now.

I have found that I am getting older, and more set in my ways, there are many things that I just will not tolerate. As a younger man my libido would often rationalize things.

Me: I don’t know, she’s getting kind of crazy.
Libido: I know, let’s get our freak on!!!

Now that I am older and my libido has grown quieter.

Me: she looks good but she hates anime.
Libido: yeah… Is it bed time yet? I guess a few month dry spell isn’t so bad…

Certain features you looked for in a mate when younger are now reversed. Before age 35 ‘never married’ was a plus while above 35 it is a negative. After a certain age the view becomes, ‘what is wrong with you that you were unable to commit to a realtionship?’

Existence of children is also a huge factor based on the kids age. I expect someone at my age to have kids, hopefully around the same age as mine. I don’t dislike kids but mine turns 18 in a few weeks and I don’t want to spend the next decade (or longer) raising kids again. Call me selfish if you want but I am looking forward to seeing my expenses drop so I can put more money towards my retirement.

This is also why I prefer cats over dogs. As much fun as dogs are they also require a ton of hands on attention. With cats you can put out an extra litter box and overfill their food and water bowls if you want to go away for a weekend. You can’t do that with a dog.

I also have less tolerance for useless things that act as huge time sinks on a person’s life. Yes, I play video games and I know they are useless and time sinks but, I can do that when time provides, on my own time. Sports and religion are two things I have no space in my life for AND they are scheduled activities. Both ussualy kill sundays. Sometimes they also kill certain weeknights when a game is on and the person has to watch it.

Yes, I am doing a bit of venting, it is cathartic.

Tonight I have a second date planned with a woman who is divorced but never had any kids. We seemed to get along great on our first date and had some good conversations between then and now. Today, however, sports and religion came up. Sports was more direct while religion was just her offhand saying she wanted to get to church at some point today.

I shouldn’t be that surprised. She did tell me she came from a traditional Italian family. Thing is, I come from a mixed Italian family so my frame of reference is different. I didn’t realize that she was from the heavy Catholic, women can’t date until their 20’s type of family.

Now I face a conundrum. Do I call off the second date now or go and see if it is as bad as I think it will be? We have chemistry and we are both interested in each other. Thing is, unlike most of you youngins on the forum, the dating pool I swim in is very shallow. A pool where the good fish don’t stay in the pool very long. Not saying I expect perfection but am I just wasting both of our time tonight?

In the long run I would like a steady relationship but in the short term I am perfectly happy being single.


#2

I’d continue because if she’s actually from a big Italian family it’s probably mostly due to family and tradition that she goes to Church, I know people where one person goes to Church and the other doesn’t because either the one likes to go to be in the community or they are a believer while the other person stays away. Either way My wife comes from a Catholic Family and I’ve found they are extremely tolerant of Atheists or nones compared to other groups.


#3

My relationship of almost 3 years has come to an end tonight. Partly due to events that occurred at magfest. I was a bit sad before and I’m a bit sad now. It will be interesting monitoring how I feel as time passes.


#4

[quote=“hmtksteve, post:1, topic:305”]
Now I face a conundrum. Do I call off the second date now or go and see if it is as bad as I think it will be? We have chemistry and we are both interested in each other. Thing is, unlike most of you youngins on the forum, the dating pool I swim in is very shallow. A pool where the good fish don’t stay in the pool very long. Not saying I expect perfection but am I just wasting both of our time tonight?
[/quote]Never hurts to go on a date. Just don’t cross the line of seriousness unless you are sure it’s safe. My advice for the shallow pool problem is not advice you will follow, but I will give it anyway. Change pools. Every time I think the well is dry in NYC, it proves me wrong time and time again. [quote=“Naoza, post:3, topic:305, full:true”]
My relationship of almost 3 years has come to an end tonight. Partly due to events that occurred at magfest. I was a bit sad before and I’m a bit sad now. It will be interesting monitoring how I feel as time passes.
[/quote]That is so sad. Conventions are a time for coming together, not breaking apart.


#5

I am not happy, indeed. For what it’s worth, she was actually an obstacle in my, hopefully soon ending, quest to move to NYC. It may be that this is the year that it happens. Not to give a city unrealistic expectations on how it will affect my life but it’s a small light in the darkness I’m working my way out of.


#6

Second date went very well. Turns out the sports thing is something she deals with when visiting family but has no interest herself.

We had dinner at a noisy restaurant. Since I was having a hard time hearing her, as soon as I finished eating I got up and sat beside her. I was not rebuffed for doing this so we talked side by side for quite a while. If it had been a busy night we probably would have been asked to clear the booth but it was quiet and we were not bothered.

We met at 5:15 at left at 8:45.

We continue to have a lot in common, including the speed at which we eat.

As for Scott’s suggestion of changing dating pools. You live in NYC. NYC is not a dating pool it is a dating ocean. I have expanded my age range but even with that expansion I have standards that are non-negotiable and the other party has to also have an expanded age range. Younger women are pretty much out for me due to wanting kids, having small kids, or only looking for a sugar daddy. Older women can be tough because many of them are bitter about their ex-husbands or not willing to jeopardize their alimony payments by being in a relationship. Or they are simply in poor health. This doesn’t even count the large amount of older women that claim to be younger on their profiles but post current photographs which makes them look like a very dried up 35!

Not for nothing but I have dated younger and older women over the past few years. One thing I have been told by all of them is that I look younger than my age, if I shave and cut my hair short I look even younger. I have been with women ten years younger than I and their friends asked them how they liked dating a younger man. This was not something said to make me feel special because it led to some serious crying and fighting. It does cause issues in a relationship when one person ages slower than the other, especially if it is the man. So something that many might consider a boon (looking younger) can actually be a negative.


#7

This may be the one instance where I agree with that.


#8

I used to look slightly older than I am. Now I look much older than I am. I wonder what will happen when (if?) my perceived age and actual age meet.


#9

Once you hit about 40-50. Pretty much all men over 40 look the same until they start looking 70.


#10

I seem to pass for my mid thirties which is great if I wasn’t in my mid twenties…


#11

People regularly assume I’m in my early to mid 20s.

I’m 31.


#12

Everyone assumes I’m 16-18. I am 25. This will be great in 15 years. It sucks now.


#13

This is funny.

I changed my age on FB because I was tired of the constant barrage of penis enhancement advs. A few days later I managed to finally block ALL advertising on my phone. At this point I tried to change my age back and… FB will not let me change my age (probably a cool down timer on it?) Which means now my tinder is all messed up and a lot of younger women (who are friends with my younger FB friends) are probably wondering why some old guy is trying to pass himself off as 24.

Related: I set my tinder to show everyone regardless of age. Before my age change the app was constantly telling me that there was no one in my area. Now, there seem to be tons of people within 5 miles of me. Tinder is also only showing me people close to my FB age. The few times I matched with someone younger it was always a bot trying to pull the ‘verified Tinder’ scam.

PS: my autocorrect sucks. I try to fix the typos but sometimes…


#14

It’s likely that it didn’t see people before who have set their age limit below your actual age. Now you’re “24” so meet their age requirements.


#15

Ok. I checked some old how-to articles on tinder and it sounded like their were two settings you could use. One for ages you want to be shown to and one for ages you want to see. Did these get merged because I only see one age slider.

Anyone know the cooldown timer on changing your DOB on FB?


#16

If your birthday was recently changed, you may have to wait a few days before you can change it again. To help make sure that people use their real identities on Facebook, there’s a limit to how many times you can change your birthday.
Source: https://www.facebook.com/help/community/question/?id=332600256874263


#17

I found that a few days ago. Still looking for the actual number of days.


#18

Anyone ever try Match.com? Kinda of curious how much of a problem they have with bots sending messages in order to get you to subscribe.


#19

I am on Match. I have seen zero bots sending me messages. I think you have to pay to send messages. Seriously, if you can’t afford the subscription fee you can’t afford to be dating.

They do have a problem with Eastern European women posting profiles that say they are near you but they also have an email or phone number hidden in the profile so they are easy to spot.

I did just get back on POF and within minutes I had about five messages from women who were actually in Ghana… This one is new to me.


#20

It’s not the sub fee per se, more like trying to get a sense of the risk-reward ratio.

I may give POF a try since it seems pretty popular.