Dating


#21

Don’t try to think of which dating site is best. Instead ask this question:

“The person I want to date, what site are they using?”

After you find someone, the site itself really doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, all of them are just letting you message another human being, and your site choice isn’t going to make much difference there. It’s on you.


#22

No dating site is best. Different people are comfortable with different ones. The one you’re most comfortable with says something about you. That might help you find someone you’re compatible with, or you might not want to date someone similar to you in that way.

I don’t fully believe the over-simplified takes on what each service is for (Tinder is for hookups, OkCupid is for people into specific weird stuff looking for partners, Match is for older people, etc.), but what is true is that the design of the system says a lot about the people who are willing to put up with it.


#23

Not for nothing but that subscription fee is a very low barrier to entry that also keeps the scammers off of the site.

Those (insert special obscure interest)-dating sites are generally garbage. I have gotten the best results from POF, OKC, and match. In no particular order.

A lot of the lesser known sites are just different front ends for the same BS dating site.


#24

This is the hot new dating app these days:


#25

Also: do not pay for a PoF membership. Even if you see someone smoking hot in the meet me thumbnails. Those thumbnail images are not always of the person that wants to meet you. In fact, once you pay some of those hot people will suddenly vanish from your alert history.

There is zero tangible benefit to playing for PoF.

OKC can be worth it. I believe the cost is still really low and it opens up some advanced search options and stalker…Err… I mean private mode.

Match you pretty much have to pay for to do anything on the site.

Tinder is good for only showing people that you want to see and also want to see you. Most sites, even those with a ‘reverse match’ search option will still show you people that are not interested in you because you fall outside of their search parameters.

Another problem with most dating sites is that they do not let you exclude inactive members from your search. What good is it to show me a great match if they have not used the site in two years?


#26

Has anyone tried using Settle for Love? I’d be curious to try it out, but don’t think there are enough users to really make it worthwhile.

I like the idea that you have to post flattering and unflattering things about yourself so no one appears to be a perfect human.


#27

I don’t know if I’m doing anything particularly different or special. But I regularly run into people who flirt and, I suspect, would be open to dating me, despite the fact that I’m actively not looking for such a thing.

I meet cool dateable people all the time. How hard can it really be (assuming you live in a big city)?


#28

You’re also successful and, even if they don’t know that, attractive and confident. The last one opened so more doors than I think you know.


#29

You travel a lot and go to tons of events in the big(gest) city, and also have a natural charisma?

I’m sure if I was extremely social and went to tons of events in Rochester, I would maybe be meeting more people. But I am not! Dating websites are good specifically for introverts, or people who want to skip the awkward process of figuring out if the people out there have similar interests. I know that I’m bad in crowds and unlikely to get into good conversations one-on-one or in small groups, so I don’t put myself into this scenarios too often.


#30

It’s true, confidence is a huge turn on. In the same way, desperation is a huge turn off. Thus, it is not uncommon to get tons of attention when you are not looking and significantly less when you are.


#31

[quote=“Rym, post:27, topic:305, full:true”]
I don’t know if I’m doing anything particularly different or special. But I regularly run into people who flirt and, I suspect, would be open to dating me, despite the fact that I’m actively not looking for such a thing.

I meet cool dateable people all the time. How hard can it really be (assuming you live in a big city)?
[/quote]You often believe or suspect that people are flirting with you, and you are not always correct. I have only a few times in my life merely suspected someone I just met may be flirting with me, but have never been more than 50% sure.

Also, because I am aware of the problem of pick up artists, cat callers, and other “that guys.” I intentionally and consciously avoid any behavior that could even be remotely close to sexual harassment. This means that if someone is flirting with me, it’s not going to get them anywhere. I am unable to respond because of the consequences if I am wrong. Fear of being “that guy” is so great that it can only be overcome with the power of what equates to expressed written consent.

How to end up single in your thirties. - by Scott


#32

[quote=“Apreche, post:31, topic:305”]
You often believe or suspect that people are flirting with you, and you are not always correct.
[/quote]I’m really curious how you came to that conclusion.


#33

Don’t people go to events that imply similar interests? Like, if you’re into knitting, aren’t you at the knitting meetup or the knitting club in town? In the knitting forum?


#34

If an autumn leaf landed in your hair, you would think the tree must be a Dryad that wanted your junk.


#35

I am legit rolling in laughter from this exchange.

On one side we have Rym, who believes that anyone that looks his way, wants him. On the other we have Scott, who requires documented proof (signed in triplicate and notarized) before he is willing to admit the naked person throwing themselves at him is interested in him. My god this sounds like an 80’s roommate sitcom.


#36

Yes, but going to these events to meet partners isn’t usually a great solution. One of the things that turns people off is you rolling around events for clubs just looking for potential datemates. Obviously, you can go to these things and see if something arises…But then you have the Scott situation, where two people who are mutually interested but unaware don’t pursue due to wanting to avoid awkwardness.

Dating sites get rid of all the social ambiguity.


#37

[quote=“hmtksteve, post:35, topic:305”]
My god this sounds like an 80’s roommate sitcom.
[/quote]


#38

Which is not even remotely true.

[quote=“Axel, post:36, topic:305”]
One of the things that turns people off is you rolling around events for clubs just looking for potential datemates.
[/quote]If you’re just there for that purpose, then you are indeed a creep. But what ever happened to going to those events and just, I don’t know, meeting people with shared hobbies? Hanging out with them and getting to know them? Becoming friends?

Expand your friend pool, and you by default expand your dating pool. Expanding your dating pool directly is creepy as fuck.


#39

And there it is.

I’m mostly with Scott on this. I don’t want to be a creep, or associated with such, so usually best to just be as walled off as possible. Avoid having to develop a balanced, nuanced sense of outward sexuality at all! Hell is other people anyway, right?

But goddammit if there’s the right person, it’s a Hell worth living in.


#40

I’d argue his caricature of Scott is also not even remotely true.