Depression and Such


As a former vaper, I look at those things and shudder. They’re fucking scary as shit.


In my case, I tend to have a very addictive personality, so I often have to have discipline and set all sorts of rules for myself to keep from getting carried away in certain situations.


I use an e-cig through the day, though usually without much or any nicotine in. It’s more a replacement for the short breaks I’d take to smoke and think while I was working. But yeah, Juuls are kinda scary as hell. Can’t really get them here, though - AU government doesn’t allow the selling of Nicotine juices, it’s enough of a pain just to get nicotine juice as it is.

Though, I can’t say I’ve ever been one for just tossing a pack, though that might have something to do with the fact that smokes have always been wicked expensive down here.


I’ve been super hypomanic since I quit drinking. I hope this is a temporary effect of withdrawal and not something inherent in me that alcohol was covering up.


10 days, 0 drinks, too many cigarettes. I think I was better off drunk. At least alcohol didn’t wake me up in the middle of the night. Hell, at least with alcohol I usually slept every night. I don’t think I can go to open mic tonight because if I smoke I’ll be sent to the ER for COPD, if I drink I reset my sobriety, and if I do neither I’ll have a panic attack.

UPDATE: Went to Open Mic, did get sent to ER, but it turned out I had pneumonia that was aggravated by the cigarette smoke. Guess I picked the wrong week to start smoking.


I’ve dealt with my regular alcohol cravings by drinking tea or seltzer water every time I feel it.


I gave up on AA. It wasn’t the theology that did it in, it was the way everyone thought they knew what the solution to my problems was before I had even told them. AA works for a certain archetype of alcoholism, and I’ve never been an archetype.


So I was struggling with what I felt was drinking a little too much. If beer was in the house, I would drink a beer or two (sometimes three) an evening. I knew this probably wasn’t great so my solution was to just stop buying beer to have in the house. I now mostly only drink when I go out, and then I’ve driven so I can really only have one.


I tend to either have a beer or some wine with dinner. At most, I’ll have a small cocktail as well. I seem to average ~5 drinks a week. I’m comfortable maintaining that level. :wink:


I’ll sometimes have some Sake with lunch if I’m having ramen, and a beer or two every Thursday with the rest of the company.

I think it depends on your relationship more than the amount, though. Like, you could drink at Rym’s level and be an alcoholic, or twice that and not be, depending on the urges I think?


True, everyone has their own levels of what makes someone an alcoholic, and it’s probably related to personal physical alcohol tolerance (i.e. ability to hold your liquor), frequency, reasons for drinking, etc.

Rym’s level doesn’t strike me as someone being an alcoholic given how it’s spread out over the course of a week. Now, if someone has those five drinks back to back every Friday night, then yeah, I see potential for problems there.


Well, one thing is that I never have an urge to drink alcohol. It’s simply something I enjoy. One drink doesn’t have any noticeable effect on me, so it’s purely for the taste. A beer with dinner doesn’t produce even a minimal buzz.

Short of a handful of big parties or work events, I never have 3 or more in a single day.


Right around the time I decided to abstain from eating meat on Fridays (I’m easing into it) I also and unrelatedly decided to never drink even a drop of alcohol when someone else isn’t also drinking with me. This made me feel less pathetic.


I almost never drink alcohol, so drinking has never been a problem for me. Instead, I eat too much, and I eat unhealthy foods when I’m stressed or feeling bad.

Also, sometimes I can get a little obsessed with buying something. Like I just KNOW my life will be somehow better if I buy that book, or that game, or that $800 Lego Millennium Falcon set.


Psst, probably not the best thread to talk about your controlled easy to deal with drinking habits compared to the folks who are suffering from Depression and such (alcoholism) cause pointing out how great your systems are probably doesn’t help…


This isn’t the alcoholism thread, this is the “I have issues” thread. I genuinely feel I develop an unhealthy relationship with alcohol very quickly if I allow myself to drink on the regular. Just because there are people with worse problems, doesn’t mean they aren’t real problems for that person.

Also, doesn’t junk food is a lot of similarities to drug abuse.

I know I crave and consume junk food despite known negative outcomes on my life. And not just it’s going to shorten my lifespan (which it is), but very immediate, I will feel terrible in an hour or less. Still eat it. Why? Fuck if i know, I’m an addict I guess. It drives me a little nuts.


I don’t think Cremlian was talking about you, tbh.


Yeah, hindsight… shrugs


So, yeah. Among other things, I’ve been using PAXes as something of a stress test for myself, and having just finished my sixth PAX AUS (and choosing to Enforce this year) I’ve come back with some added insight. In short, I am fairly sure I have an anxiety disorder; it’s hard for me to judge the overall severity but I’d say it isn’t mild.

The thing is, I’ve spent quite a bit of my life coping with it; in some cases (more so social ones) with avoidance, and in others with channeling it into productivity and perfectionism. The problem is that until recently I also never really fully figured out what exactly was wrong. Within the well-structured confines of high school and undergraduate study, with clearly defined tasks and strict deadlines, I excelled.

But, outside of those confines, I hadn’t yet fully developed the skills I need to handle decisions of genuine importance. So, while I’d already gotten reasonably good at (in essence) independently learned CBT, I simply wasn’t ready to handle career decisions and it hit me pretty hard.

In 2013, after graduating, I fell into depression pretty quickly until I finally decided (with some impetus from PAX AUS 2013) to start a research Master’s in AI. But a research degree has way less structure than coursework, and come late 2016 I petered out, frozen by the dual fears of my work not being good enough, and of the desolate uncertainty about where I would go once my Master’s was finished; my thesis deadline came around and I was unenrolled when I didn’t have one ready.

2016-2017 was another rather depressing year, between some failed attempts of mine to pull together a conference paper, Brexit, and the election of Donald Trump (In addition to caring about the politics I had also been looking at the UK and the US as places to go for my career). Then in late 2017 I finally decided that being unemployed was no reason not to have a social life, so I started building that up again.

Come late 2018 I now actually do have a social life, and I’m re-applying to finish the Master’s since the deadline to continue and still get credit for my earlier work was 2 years after being unenrolled. Re-applying doesn’t mean I’ll get in or actually finish, and it’s still going to be hard to deal with where I go after finishing it, but I have plenty of options and fallback plans, and I can always seek help.

There are still things I’m avoiding, e.g. for the most part I simply avoid thinking about romantic relationships altogether. Getting better at that is on the list, but it’s not important enough for me to deal with as yet.


So a friend of mine, someone I’d hung out with maybe a dozen times, started getting really clingy (both physically and otherwise) over the past few weeks. At first I thought it was like a crush or something, but over the past few days he started telling me that his anxiety and depression have been coming back and I realized that he’s been making me into his emotional bedrock. I was already trying to figure out how to put some distance between us without hurting his feelings, but now I have no idea how to extricate myself without doing any damage.