It could well be the case that your intent does not involve sexist reasoning.
Your actions and the perception thereof, however, are absolutely impacted by sexism, and that’s the part that actually matters.
We’re all part of a society, and as such our ideas and beliefs do not exist in a vacuum. “No man is an island” and all that jazz.
Intent matters to some extent, but once you put your thoughts out there, you have surrendered some amount of authorship to the greater discussion.
This is the flaw that I see in a lot of people who make “both sides” arguments, or who wade into a controversial topic with platitudes of neutrality. It doesn’t matter if your intent is neutral if your contribution to the topic can be spun to one side or another. You input on the topic results in some reaction one way or another depending on the audience, and you as the primary author are responsible for what gets sent out in the first place.
It’s like the difference between murder and manslaughter. One is worse than the other, but both are bad because at the end of the day your actions led to someone else’s death.
In order to combat this, you have to take control of your contribution before it leaves your face. You try to do that with providing context for an opinion - a good start - but there’s probably more you can do to actively counter the appearance of sexist intent through language.
Like.
I actually ask people if they want an explanation. And if they say “no,” I move on with my life. Took a long time to get there, but it works.
There are other ways, but the point is that you can say “I’m not sexist” all day long and it won’t matter. If you enter into the fray, toss out some words, and they hit someone in a sexist way, you bear responsibility for that. All of it? We can debate that. But if you’re gonna toss ideas out there, you are responsible for aiming them as tightly as you can and learning from your misses.
