I think they miss one important point - you’re sacrificing a ship.
Consider what you need for the Holdo maneuver - You need one ship of roughly equivalent size of your target. What the film shows, it’s massive damage, but it’s not that amount of weight smashing into another thing of similar weight at relativistic speeds kind of damage.
We simply don’t know the history beyond a certain point, so let’s ignore that for now.
But, from what we do know, we have three periods - The Clone Wars era, The Empire Era, and the New Republic era.
In the first, you have two armies of equivalent size, who are unlikely to see the need of such a maneuver - They had a lot of big ships, but in both cases, they were served better by having combat-ready capital ships, than sacrificing one ship to gain very little. And both forces had such huge numbers that the loss of one ship on either side was a relatively minor problem - so sacrificing your own ships to kill an exactly equal number of enemy ships didn’t really gain you anything, until you’d sacrificed such a large amount of ships that it just crippled both forces.
(The other factor - there were hundreds of thousands of battles in the clone wars, and we only know a handful. So it might have still happened.)
The Empire era, the Rebels couldn’t afford it. They had few enough ships as it was, they couldn’t sacrifice one of their few ships to potentially take out just one of the empire’s enormous amount of ships. The Empire likely wouldn’t see the point in bothering - why sacrifice one large, very expensive capital ship to take out just one Rebel ship, when you could just send two or three ships to destroy the Rebel ships without taking measures that were so cost-inefficient for the result - The junk ship idea doesn’t work out, because they’re already using every ship they can get their hands on already.
And in the New Republic era, it’s pretty similar. While the first order seems big and impressive on film, according to the books, they’re a much smaller force, with whatever ships they can salvage from the fallen Empire, or build in secret in the outer rim. Even Starkiller base represented 30 years worth of almost all the resources they could gather being poured, constantly, into the weapon. The Republic, they don’t take direct action against the first order generally, but if the did, they could use the same strategy as the empire - send two ships, instead of losing one. The Resistance, largely similar to the rebels, they simply can’t afford the loss, compared to the gain - except on the rare occasion that the gains are high enough and the situation desperate enough to justify it.