It kinda sounds like you’re trying to work off a schedule to get from point A to point B in a timeframe you’re not fully comfortable with, and it’s becoming stressful. You want it to go fast, but you’re running into complications emotionally that are roadblocks. Is it really all that bad to take it a bit slower and set a timeframe once you’re confident you’re ready to move forward? I’d like to say waiting a bit isn’t the end of the world, but I know it’s important to you.
I understand where you’re coming from but I don’t think this will be more comfortable later. I’ll only be more afraid if I wait.
Why would that be the case? Is it just a feeling you have? Or something you fear about waiting?
It’s something that’s been true about me for everything else intimidating I’ve done in my life.
Do you know what it feels like to be a man, or more-so what it feels like to have a man shaped body and to be assumed as and treated like one? You’ve described this as more a body image/perception thing rather than a gender identity thing, and that advice about feeling like a girl mentally pre-transistion is mostly about gender identity. Are you seeking more than a different body and to be perceived as a girl?
I have never felt attached to any gender identity nor do I believe I will ever feel attached to any gender identity. I have never believed in gender as an essential psychological trait. I do not think people are inherently divided like that.
Being perceived as a girl is an unfortunate side effect of having a different body. The way people perceived as women are treated in this world is one of the reasons I stayed in the closet for so long. This aversion to feminine socialization made me think for a long time that I was just a fetishist, not actually trans. I had to have someone tell me that fetishists don’t have chronic bouts of dysmorphia. I want to be perceived as a girl only because, with the body I want, the alternative is being perceived as trans, which is not only practically worse but also difficult for me internally.
I too would switch my sex all the time if I could!
Pretty sure I fall under the non-binary aspect of gender but I am still figuring stuff out.
This comic explains it well; Non-Binary and Bisexual Comic - Oh Joy Sex Toy
I’m pretty comfortable with myself as I am and have no real interest or desire in being able to switch back and forth, but that’s just me. If you like the idea of being able to switch, hey, nothing wrong with that. The world takes all kinds and so long as no one’s a jerk about it, it’s all cool. Sadly, there are a lot of jerks in the world, so it’s kind of up to all of us non-jerks, no matter where you are on the various spectra, to help each other out where and when we can.
15 characters of the same
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I would constantly invent new sexes to be.
Daddy two.
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Gender is stupid. It seems to serve to confine and control more than anything else, at least in my opinion.
That said, being a product of my society, I still consider myself cis female. I don’t experience the dysphoria of a trans individual and non-binary just doesn’t feel like it works for me personally.
I wonder often if I’d been born into a later generation, maybe I’d have been more comfortable adopting a gender identity that’s less binary? Maybe I really am a product of my time? It’s taken me most of my life to finally be comfortable with the label of “butch lesbian”, despite leaning toward traditionally masculine preferences in presentation and attitude since I was in the single digits. I wear the label proudly now, but it took quite a while to get over the whole “I don’t want to be a stereotype” mentality. Fuck that shit. People like me exist, and we’re awesome.
Either way, I love that others out there are feeling continually more comfortable with exploring gender or a lack thereof.
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Saaaaaaaaaaaaame
I’m migrating my consciousness to a machine way too early then overclocking it.
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No lie if we had Ghost in the Shell tech with and hardened cyberbrains and customizable cyberbodies you could slot into at will I would have like four different bodies of different shapes and sizes and sexes. I’d be the first in line for that tech.
The more I muse and type and backspace the more I just don’t even know what the fuck gender actually is because I’m as lost as you when it comes to having an innate gender identity. It seems like in your case is a matter of unlearning decades of societal expectations? And being thrown a red herring by trans people with the whole feeling like [insert gender]. Don’t worry about what you’re supposed to feel or be like to pass in public, assert yourself as your ideal self, or as close as you can before surgery. When you find yourself at unease or doubting yourself, take the time to think where that feeling is coming from.
I had a lot of difficulty pinning down a gender identity. There’s no real “I’m a girl” feeling more like “I’m really into girls at the moment so I’m gonna be one today”. It felt like I was taking something that wasn’t mine. I felt unease because I assume everyone around me sees me as a guy being a weirdo. Those thoughts may fade over time as fears end up being overblown or unjustified, but if you’re more of a neurotic type it’s going to take some work with active introspection and unlearning those emotional responses and ideas that have been instilled since birth. It can also help if you know someone you can talk to for a while to help dig deeper or provide new insight on why you’re having these issues.
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I guess it depends on how you perceive “gender.”
If you view gender as only having “male” or “female” (AKA pure binary) and everyone has to fit into one of those slots, I can see how it can be somewhat confining.
If you view gender as more of a spectrum or continuum (“spectrum” to me seems to imply a one dimensional range whereas “continuum” can be multidimensional and can incorporate sex and other factors), then I think it’s not quite as confining, but we may be just arguing semantics at this point.
For instance, at one edge of the continuum you can have your typical “super macho men” and on the opposite edge you can have your typical “girly girl.” But those are just end points and there are an infinite number of variations in between.
In my case, I feel like I’m pretty strongly on the “man” side of the continuum based on my interests, how I like to present myself, and so on. However, I do have some interests that are not traditionally “macho” or “masculine,” so I’m certainly not right on the edge. I willingly admit I’m probably closer to that edge than some of the guys here who talk about willingly switching sex and so on as that frankly has no interest or appeal to me, even though I have nothing against it as a concept.
In your case, if I’m interpreting your words correctly, you’re located on a point of the continuum where being a cis female overlaps a lot with having supposedly male attitudes, presentation, etc. Again, nothing wrong with that – it’s just another point on the continuum, and more power to you (and anyone else) who’s comfortable with expressing where they are on the continuum as opposed to being forced into (or near) one of the two edge conditions because that’s how they feel they need to be due to societal pressures.
My son, who admittedly at just under 5 probably hasn’t gotten all this figured out yet, in many ways is a typical boy of his age based on the games he likes to play, the toys he likes, and so on. Yet his favorite color is pink, which is traditionally a “girly” color, and I often see pictures of him playing with/taking care of the dolls they have in his preschool class, again, a traditionally “girly” activity. He also loves playing with his toy kitchen and toy vacuum cleaner, again, toys/activities that traditionally were viewed as “girly.” And you know what? I’m 100% cool with that. If it does no harm to anyone and makes him happy, I’m happy for him.
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See I definitely would switch genders were it like, culture easy. But not like permanently, probably anyway. I’m an experience junky.
I wouldn’t be able to live knowing I had the option of trying out an entire new physiology and that I hadn’t done so. Who knows? Maybe I’d find it comforting and make it my new default. As it stands I’d probably try it for a time, and then come back to what I’m accustomed to.
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I was thinking about this on the train, and more or less came to the conclusion that the only reason I’m comfortable with my gender identity is that I’m both tall and male. If I were/could become short (<5’6"), I think I’d rather be a woman.
As a male under 5’6" (I’m 5’4"), somehow I manage to make it through the day.
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I make no value judgement based on height, simply what my preferences are.