There wasn’t a thread about this, but grief touches all of us at some point. As a long standing community, we have celebrated and commiserated in a variety of topics. Grief is one of the hardest human experiences, so why not utilize this community to help eachother cope with crushing loss.
Today, I went to my cousin’s memorial service. Due to family politics, I can’t post about this on social media, so I am posting about it here.
My cousin was in his late 40s, and he died of a drug overdose. We were never close because he was an addict from the time he was in high school. Since I was significantly younger than him and was adopted into the family at the age of 9, I never knew him before his addiction. My father and my Uncle have no relationship as my father detests my Uncle’s refusal to ever truly act as a father to his three children, including my now deceased cousin, and the fact that my Uncle is a self-centered, leech and a bumbling moron.
At the service, I watched my Uncle make his son’s death not about the deceased or the totality of the family who mourns him, but about himself and how many people he could get to take him out for lunch in the upcoming weeks. At no point did my Uncle take any responsibility for not intervening when my cousin was young. At no point was he a father. He was just reveling in the attention, pity and actual free lunches he could line up. My heart breaks for my grandmother and my living cousins, but the service left me filled with rage. I want to be supportive of my grandmother in this time, but my Uncle, who lives out of state, will be staying in her home for who knows how long.
I feel awful that I never knew the man who existed beneath the drugs and the crimes that the drugs fueled. More than that, I am angered beyond words at my Uncle who is making my aged grandmother, who has severe breathing problems, wait on him hand and foot while she grieves the loss of ger first born grandchild and he mooches off her and old high school buddies.
It’s gross, and I feel ill even thinking about it. However, I will visit my grandma daily to check in and help out while trying not to kick my Uncle out of the house.